Adult Conversations You Should Have Before Having Kids
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As you know from my post virtually having adult conversations before moving in together, I'grand all nearly getting hard conversations out of the way before they are 100% necessary. So of course nosotros would accept plenty of conversations before having kids! We already had quite a few talks about what our lives would look similar with children and how we would raise them.
Childcare Vs Stay at Home Parent
Given that childcare is ane of the biggest contributors to the outrageous cost of having children, our offset conversation was about whether 1 of united states of america should be a stay at home parent.
The outset thing to consider is whether it would make fiscal sense for ane of us to stay home. With daycare costs averaging over $900 per month in the United States (and being college in cities!) i of us could end up working just to pay for the daycare!
But there are more things to consider than just the financial. Starting time, nosotros would accept to think about what's all-time for the babe. I would presume that a parent would exist more circumspect to the baby than a day care worker, but perchance nosotros could find a super crawly daycare. And, the child might miss out on some early socialization with children its own historic period if one of u.s. stays home.
Another consideration is whether whoever stays home with the baby will be fulfilled in doing that. I wouldn't want either of us to be miserable. I brand more than coin than my beau does and my job provides much better benefits. It would brand more financial sense for him to stay home than for me to stay abode.
But would he be happy staying home? This is something that we have discussed at length. He does love streaming video games, and being a stay at home dad would requite him an opportunity to abound his audition even more. He's more than willing to requite it a try, and we are both empathize that information technology's something nosotros volition take to continuously readdress to make sure we are both happy. If information technology turns out that he hates it, we tin can make other arrangements.
Priorities
Many relationships suffer after having kids. In that location'southward suddenly this brand-new person who basically requires all of your fourth dimension and energy. Nosotros sympathize that the showtime yr volition be difficult, because obviously the baby won't be able to take intendance of itself. But we also understand that nosotros take to prioritize our relationship.
I think a lot of parents go their priorities wrong. A lot of parents prioritize the child'south needs, kid's wants, parent's needs, then parent's wants. I don't think it'southward intentional. It's just as easy to get the kid's needs and wants confused as it is to go our ain needs and wants dislocated.
We are going to make a full-bodied effort to conform our priorities. Our goal is to take our priority lodge more like this: child'south needs, parent'southward needs, parent's wants, child's wants. We know it will be hard, simply I call up it will ensure that we continue to have a healthy and happy relationship. And I think that is important for the kid's sense of stability. A child needs to run across a salubrious human relationship between his parents more than than he needs to be coddled. At least that's my opinion, and that is what nosotros are going to strive for.
Discipline and Parenting Styles
Information technology'due south important that yous and your partner are on the aforementioned page in regards to parenting styles. Is one of you going to be a helicopter parent while the other is more hands off? What will the rules be as the children age? How much independence are y'all comfortable giving them? These are things that should exist discussed before having kids.
Ane of the reasons I didn't desire to have children is considering lots of parents treat their kids like all-time friends, and don't want to be the bad guy. This is not going to wing with me! I will non enhance my kids to be entitled spoiled piddling brats who think the world revolves effectually them. I will also not raise my kids to be helpless. You hear horror stories of mothers going to job interviews for their kids, or nevertheless doing their laundry when they are in their twenties; and that just isn't going to happen. I am going to exist more of a gratis-range parent, and teach my kids independence from an early age. Luckily, my young man feels the same way. We know we are going to have to adjust as the kids grow up, simply I call up having a game programme beforehand will make things become smoother.
Religion, Values, and Morals
I am not a religious person, and neither is my boyfriend. So, we already know that we won't be raising our children with whatsoever religious affiliation. Only what if you and your partner come up from different religious backgrounds? Volition yous expose the children to both or volition yous choose one? This is an important thing to talk virtually earlier having kids.
We both want to raise our children to exist good, kind people. You don't need religion for that. We will show them by example that being compassionate and caring is the way to go, even if you don't get annihilation in render.
Nosotros do differ on our political affiliations, he is a conservative country male child while I'm a liberal city girl (It's funny to label ourselves that way, simply we both lean more towards heart). Nosotros both want our children to grow upward thinking for themselves though. We want to provide them with the relevant information and show them how to look critically at both sides. Nosotros don't want them to be sheep, voting for a political party just considering we practice.
What Else should we hash out earlier having kids?
Obviously thinking about what we need to talk about before having kids is make new to me. Outside of these things, I don't have a inkling! Help me out! What am I missing? Am I way off base? What do nosotros demand to talk well-nigh before getting pregnant? Are there whatever disagreements that you and your partner have had that you wish y'all would accept resolved before having kids? Did anything pop upward that you didn't look at all? Let me know in the comments, so we can have that adult conversation earlier trying for a baby!
Source: https://partnersinfire.com/blog/adult-conversations-before-having-kids/
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